The Art of War
by dalekclock
Summary: What began as a S.H.I.E.L.D picnic spirals into a post-apocalyptic game of paintball, once Fury reveals the 100,000 prize for last man standing. Darcy, desperate to pay off student loans, enters the fray. How hard could it be? She's only playing against some master assassins. But, is there more to the game than Fury let on? Parody of the Community season 2 finale. Post-Avengers.
1. Chapter 1

"Boss...Agent Hill, please, no..."

"Oh, I've had fantasies about holding a gun to your head, Ross... " Maria Hill, one of S.H.I.E.L.D''s finest agents, gripped her assistant mercilessly by the collar, teeth flashing in a murder's grin.

"All you underling interns need a lesson in discipline."  
"And this underling?" purred a voice from the darkness. Before Hill could register who spoke, Darcy Lewis stepped out from the shadows and raised her pistol. Hill pulled her gun, but Darcy was faster, firing three rounds into her superior's chest. Hill staggered backward, gasping for breath, wiping the crayola red stains from her uniform.

She dropped her gun, recoiling in pain as she slumped away into the darkness. Darcy looked over at Ross, then both their eyes darted towards Hill's discarded weapon.

"Kick it to me." Darcy commanded, watching Ross shake in fear. He reached for Hill's gun.  
"I said kick-HEY." Darcy readied her pistol as Ross stroked the barrel of his new weapon.

"C'mon, Darce. Can't you leave this with me? I'm defenseless out here..."

Darcy glared, drawing a bead on her colleague.

"I thought we were friends, Darce..." Ross whimpered. "We played galaga together..."

"That was a _game_." Darcy spat, turning to walk away. In the silence that followed, Ross aimed his gun at her back. Hearing the click of his safety, Darcy spun on her heel and aimed at Ross' head.

"This is _paintball_."

* * *

_"All warfare is based on deception"_ Darcy muttered, thumbing through a monolithic stack of flashcards. The sky was clearer than Desmond Tutu's conscience, and the grass felt softer than a shag carpet. A gorgeous day she couldn't enjoy because she was stuck studying at a S.H.I.E.L.D company picnic.

She could have killed Jane, who darted off to New Mexico with Thor a week prior, leaving Darcy to represent them among the suits and agents. In addition, she was scraping towards the finish line of her bachelors degree, and she had nine thousand words on Sun Tsu due Monday. More than a year had passed since the Tesseract incident. Well, less incident, more apocalyptic nightmare of death. Construction crews still flooded Midtown, cleaning debris from the Chitauri attack. Jane moved their entire operation to New York, and thus Darcy followed. Where else would she go? Her entire life was in that Puente Antigua lab. Well, not anymore. She was officially a S.H.I.E.L.D grunt now.

Sick of reading her notes, she peered over the thick frames of her glasses to observe agents in their natural habitat. Clint and Natasha were swapping war stories with Fury, while Tony unveiled an entire wallet full of fresh baby pictures to Steve and Agent Hill. Pepper was with them too, and Darcy refused to believe that Pepper was still that thin and poised after delivering a baby four weeks ago. A few of her fellow S.H.I.E.L.D interns were clustered together by the refreshment table, looking weary.

"Still wrapped in your studies, I see..." hummed a familiar voice in Darcy's ear. Loki had seated himself next to Darcy under her tree of choice.

"Careful, if you are too distracted, I just might reap some havoc upon these unsuspecting -UUUUNGH. Curses, child, I was only joking! Must you use that at every-"

"It's my job," sighed Darcy absentmindedly, spinning her taser in one hand, furiously scribbling an outline with the other. "To 'monitor and rehabilitate the external threat, at the request of both S.H.I.E.L.D and Asgard, throughout the duration of his exile from his homeland.' That's what my file says, anyway, and pays for my crap apartment. Would you rather be stuck with Thor and Jane in New Mexico?"

Loki grimaced at the thought. His seven month punishment from Odin had been pure anguish, but now he was stranded with limited powers on Midgard, the realm that wanted his head on a platter. A cherry atop a sundae of cruel and unusual punishment.

"Thought so."

Darcy turned back to her cards, scowling at the endless blanket of white rectangles and notebooks at her lap.

* * *

She darted down the hallways, firing at everyone who stood in her way, dodging paint left and right. She swiftly ducked behind a familiar corner and barricaded herself in Selvig's office, swapping the ammo pack from Hill's gun with her own. She couldn't lose. The prize was too valuable.

Her thoughts of victory were cut short by the percussion of boots behind her. Darcy drew her gun and pointed it at none other than Clint Barton, who was helping himself to her emergency cliff bar.

"I heard a rumor you don't shoot the unarmed..."

"Yeah, well take another bite and I'll my tune."

"Well, it's a good thing I'm armed, then..." Clint smirked, aiming a shotgun at Darcy's stomach.

After a few seconds of silence, the two holstered their weapons.

"Tony wants to see you," Clint began.

"Yeah? Well, Jagger once said-"

"C'mon, Darce. Can't hurt to hear the guy out?"

Darcy folded her arms and glared at Barton, remembering her reading:

"_We cannot enter into alliances until we are acquainted with the designs of our neighbors." _

"We've got a good hiding spot near the conference room. As safe as you are here, you'll be safer with us. Besides, Hill might shoot you down for real knowing you let Loki out of your sight."

"Hill went down an hour ago. I kind of shot her in the chest. Repeatedly."

"Wait, seriously? Damn, girl."

Darcy mused on his proposal. It couldn't hurt to have Hawkeye, the man who never misses, on her side. At the same time, she would be walking into a room with multiple master assassins ready to paint her like a mural.

She hoped Loki was behaving himself.

* * *

"So where is the little monster?" Steve asked Pepper, noticing the Stark family was missing a member.

"He's with Bruce back at the penthouse. Bruce didn't want to come, and I didn't necessarily want Howie around all these new people. He's barely a month-"

Pepper was cut off by the static of a microphone, followed by Fury's voice.

"Thank you all for coming. Now, I bet many of you are wondering why S.H.I.E.L.D is sponsoring this event, as we aren't the most touchy-feely organization in the world."

Darcy's ears perked. She'd been curious since the e-vite.

"The council asked me to run our employees through a training exercise. The lesson is survival."

Everyone looked at each other, knowing full well what survival meant at S.H.I.E.L.D.

"We are providing you with special issue non-lethal projectile weapons, loaded with a polymer based fluid..."

"PAINTBALL?!" shouted Tony. "Seriously? You're pitting a league of master assassins and soldiers against each other in PAINTBALL?"

"Essentially, yes." began Fury, his good eye glaring at Stark. "After the events in New York last year, we all need a lesson in the judgement of our peers..." he continued. Selvig and Clint flashed each other a sympathetic look, knowing full well the inspiration behind this little exercise.

"Wait, hold it." Agent Hill interjected. "We're not obligated to participate, and a surprise test of this caliber doesn't exist in S.H.I.E.L.D's bylaws. What makes you think we're all going to shoot each other like a violent Holi festival?"

Fury stared daggers at his right hand woman.

"I'm getting to that, Agent Hill. No, this is not required, but there is a prize to the last man standing: One-Hundred Thousand Dollars. Cash."

Everyone was silent, including Darcy. One hundred THOUSAND DOLLARS? Student loans, gone. Apartment, paid off. Credit card debt, a non issue. iPod, replaced. She knew she wasn't the only intern with these thoughts, and certainly not the only agent. Steve talked about raising money to help the failing Stork Club, and Clint let it slip he wanted to find an engagement ring for Natasha.

"There are a few rules!" Fury shouted, silencing the murmurs of the crowd.

"First, the only weapons permitted are the ones provided. No one is to be killed during the exercise. Second, you get paint on you, you're out! No exceptions. Agent Ross, if you will"

Darcy spotted Greg Ross, Maria Hill's cute assistant, pulling a sheet off a massive table of paintball guns. The minute the sheet cleared the table, everyone clamored violently to grab a weapon. Darcy lurched from under the tree, sending flashcards fluttering in all directions, when Loki held her back and presented her with two green pistols and an ammo belt.

"For you, milady."

"How did you...?"

"Magic, my dear."

Darcy knew she should have tased him for using magic, a violation of his exile, but the glorious thought of one hundred THOUSAND FUCKING DOLLARS overwhelmed her judgment like tequila.

"Stay. Here." She growled.

"Oh, I have no intention of leaving now. This promises to be most entertaining." Loki purred, sprawling in the grass like a panther. "What is your Midgardian saying? 'Let the games begin?'"

"Thanks, man. Seriously though, don't move, or I'll put you on the first flight to New Mexico." Darcy said, planting a small kiss of gratitude on his cheek before charging into the fray, guns blazing.

"Well, this shall be most entertaining."

* * *

_**So, this fic is an homage to NBC's Community season 2 finale, but there will be original story aspects as well! Also, the italicized quotes are all from "The Art of War" by Sun Tsu. Should update semi-regularly. I'm kind of in computer-purgatory, but hopefully that will be resolved soon. Please keep reading! This is the first *fanfiction* I've written in a long time, but I do write quite often. I hope you like it! Love, DC.**_


	2. Chapter 2

"Jeez, Sheila from accounting is a really good shot! Who knew?"

"What did you expect? It's practically a resume requirement for this place..."

Tony and Selvig were ducked behind an overturned table, cursing their lack of ammo. They could hear giggling from behind the doorway, and grew increasingly nervous. Tony was competitive to a fault.

"Eric, listen up. To your left is the ladies restroom, which leads to an emergency exit letting out by the parking lot. Go find Pepper, and tell her I'll meet her back home once I win this thing."

"You're an ass."

"Yes, an ass who is saving yours-" Tony cut his retort upon lurching from under the table, firing pink paint at the enemy alliance of secretaries, keeping them distracted as Selvig crawled out from the table. Clint darted out from the doorway to aid Tony, but it didn't prevent Selvig from getting hit by a stray paint pellet.

"Ah, crap." Selvig cursed. "Well, see you all on Monday." He stood up, brushed himself off, and walked gingerly towards the exit. Tony stood up, only to see Darcy reclining against the wall.

"Yeah, I'm _much_ safer with you guys" she groaned, rolling her eyes.

"Miss Lewis," Tony smirked.

"What do you want, Stark?"

"Yikes, she's angry. Well, what do we all want? Ammo. How much do you have left?"

Darcy glared.

"Yeah, we're low too," chimed Clint, cleaning his gun.

"Shut up, Clint." Tony barked before turning back to Darcy.

"Where's Loki?"

"Erm..."

"Because I heard a rumor he's held up near the cafeteria...with enough paint to recreate the Sistine Chapel."

So Loki was playing after all. Interesting.

Darcy raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "Tony Stark, are proposin' we join him?"

"Don't be mistaken, I'm proposing his ammo joins us."

She scoffed again. "Man, you haven't changed."

"You think Loki has? Darce, don't be naive. The man _blew up Manhattan. _I know you're supposed to be his little candy striper babysitter, but I honestly don't know why you keep defending him."

"I guess I'm waiting for you to come around," said Darcy, sadly. She had seen the news reports, read the files, but Darcy couldn't fathom Loki as the monster everyone said. Throughout her tenure as parole officer, Loki had been, she'd dare say, kind to her. Unless the man was bipolar, she couldn't imagine Loki as anything but the quiet, subdued Asgardian she knew.

Their conversation was overshadowed by firing and splattering sounds, followed by a moment killing "Dude, I'm dead! Stop shooting! I'm already out!" Then, the chink of metal in time with heavy footsteps.

"Are those...spurs?" Clint asked the room. "Who wears spurs in paintball?" Everyone shrugged.

Unfortunately, only one of those questions was answered.

Out of the shadows of the conference room strolled a masked man, wielding more guns than a Wachowski brothers film.

"Who the hell are you?" whispered Tony.

"The guy that's gonna win..."

The man drew two shotguns from his back and opened fire in all directions. The group ran down the hallway as he kept shooting. Clint and Tony dived into an open laboratory, beckoning on Darcy as she narrowly missed a round of bullets, sliding into the room, and locking the door, barely dodging a massive round of green paint.

"Okay, who the hell was that?! Does that guy even work here?" panicked Darcy. The trio climbed through the back window, and made their way to the nearest stairwell.

"He seemed kinda familiar...but seriously he was good. Like, special forces good."

"Why don't you marry him, Clint?"

"All I'm saying is, paintball is tough when everyone involved is special-ops."

"_I agree..."_

Out of nowhere, the Black Widow had her gun at Clint's throat, a playful glint in her eyes.

"Careful, Tasha" Clint raised both hands, playing along. "You can't shoot all of us."

"_She_ won't have to." Steve rounded the corner and aimed at the group.

Then, there was a clamoring and an "OW!" as another redhead popped out of a nearby trashcan

"Tony!"

"Pepper!"

Pepper clumsily jumped out of her hiding spot and threw her arms around her husband.

"I thought you were dead!"

"I thought _you_ were dead!_"_

"_Enough_, you two._" _Natasha interrupted.

"Oh, right." Pepper pressed her gun against Tony's naval, supressing a giggle.

"By the power invested in us as deputies, you are hereby arrested."

"Deputies? What are you, deputies of the stairwell?" Clint asked.

"Fort Asgard," explained Natasha, a playful smile on her Jean Harlow-esque lips. "There's a bounty on your head, my love." She gestured one of her guns towards a crudely photocopied wanted poster, featuring a less-than-flattering picture of Clint, who stared at it concerned.

"Is my forehead really that big?"

"I thought Thor was in New Mexico..." Tony interjected, steering conversation away from Clint's five head.  
"Not Thor, Loki." Natasha clarified.

"Loki? He's okay?" Darcy asked, held at paintball gunpoint by Steve. She thanked the powers that be Loki hadn't blown anyone up...well, yet.

"Hold it-" Tony interrupted. "Pepper, you're letting Loki boss you around in exchange for paint pellets?" Pepper kept her gun poised at Tony as the deputies escorted their bounty.

"Loki's actually doing good so far. He even set up a place where agents can relax, eat, and (in my case) pump breastmilk in private."

Steve blushed at the word "breastmilk" as the deputies guided their bounty down the hallway towards the cafeteria.

Clint stared confusedly at his girlfriend. "Tasha, you too?"

"What can I say, I'm bored. It beats standing around with empty guns waiting to get picked off by The Masked Rider."

"'The Masked Rider? That's what you've named him? He's not even riding anything!" Darcy groaned at the cheese factor.

"_We_ don't call him that..." muttered Steve, embarrassed.

"But does that guy even work here?" Darcy asked, soon cut off by an intern, holding an empty box labeled "WEAPONS" at the entrance of the cafeteria.

"Surrender your guns, paintball and otherwise."

The team begrudgingly relinquished their weapons. Natasha took an extra long time, as she had somehow smuggled a real gun, switchblade, grenade, and daisy razor into the game.

"What? I'm prepared."

"Then why didn't you lend me a tampon last week?" Darcy smirked.

"I had to make an emergency blow dart. Long story."

Steve opened the doors, and cheerful music spilled from inside. Tony and Clint looked around, confused. Darcy was utterly impressed. There were agents playing cards at tables, napping on couches, and eating granola bars. Caroline, the perky intern Darcy met at orientation, was even playing ragtime on a highly ornate piano, which lightened the mood considerably.

"My friends! How long has it been?" a wry voice echoed from behind one of the tables. Loki strode towards the group, wearing an impeccably tailored suit and tie, arms outstretched.

"About five hours," grinned Darcy, impressed.

"Too long, then." Loki smiled, winking at his parole officer.

"Welcome to Fort Asgard!"

* * *

_**Thanks for all the great reviews and follows! Early update this chapter, mainly because I had the time to edit/post tonight. Looking like I'll be updating on Tuesdays, though. Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Love, DC.**_


	3. Chapter 3

"Woah, woah, back up." Clint lurched between Darcy and Loki, arms flailing. "How...is this even possible? Dude, everyone here wants to see you dead! You're not even playing!"

"Aren't I, though?" Loki sneered. "Well, if you must know. I decided to watch from the men's washroom. There, I learned, the very agents who hated me were more than willing to roll bullets under the door simply to relieve themselves. A very delicate system emerged, and here we are"

"I think I've seen enough." Tony began, heading towards the exit. "And I'd like my gun back now."

The room fell silent, as half the room, including Pepper, Natasha, and Steve, pulled weapons on the trio.

"Mister Stark, only Fort Asgard personnel are permitted to arm themselves inside."

"Alright, so you have us here, unarmed, now what do you want?" Tony glared at Loki, who simply dawned his signature grin.

"We'll discuss this over dinner. Tonight, we feast!"

Loki casually waved his hand, and plates of food, AMAZING food, graced the tables. The room was apprehensive about the meal provided by the trickster, but Darcy was so hungry she dived head-first into a roast chicken. Everyone realized the food was neither poisoned nor cursed, so they joined in the festivities.

The Avengers (plus Darcy and Loki) sat around an ornately decorated cafeteria table in the back of the room. Loki waved another hand, and the cups in front of them filled with water. Asgardian liquor might have been too strong for the occasion.

"What if I told you," Loki began, "that I know where to find enough ammunition to end this petty game? Split the prize seven ways, what do you say?"

"So send your lackeys to get it," said Tony, not touching his plate.

"Oh, they'd never bring it back. Thor is with you, I am entrusted to Miss Lewis, therefore we are akin to family."

"That's pretty warm and fuzzy coming from you, Loki..."Natasha retorted, raising a perfectly groomed eyebrow.

"Is it?"

"You're a monster. You've acted like a monster since you arrived. The world is still recovering." said Steve righteously. Loki physically tightened at the ''m' word.

"Fair." Loki struggled to remain poised. "But my intentions here are honorable."

"Oh, please. like I'm risking my ass to haul ammo back to a guy who nearly destroyed the earth." Tony said bitterly. Loki paused before speaking, treading lightly around the minefield of tension. "I know you all wish to see me dead. You have every right to. But please, let me begin atoning for my actions. It's a long road, but let me start by doing this for you. Let me aid the Avengers, Earth's mightiest warriors, in their time of need."

"Need I remind everyone that this is a _paintball game_?!"

"One-hundred grand is a lot of money to us with student loans...how many of us interns do you think are still in school?" Darcy reminded Tony.

"Oh, believe me, it's much more than that.." teased Loki. "More rides on this little competition than any of you can imagine. I have seen what will happen if you fail."

"Thank you, Captain Cryptic." groaned Clint. Darcy was frustrated at the lot of them. Loki was reaching out, an emotional seven-lane highway from his start on earth. She knew there was good in him somewhere in the massive black hole of issues.

"Fine, I'm in. Can't resist a challenge, and my wife will kill me if I don't give you a chance." Tony muttered, making sure Pepper's eyes were still green and not tesseract blue. The man was a bastard, but he did show a semblance of kindness to his postpartum wife.

"Alright. I'm game." Clint added.

"I'm in. Let's end this thing, I'm missing Colbert." Natasha half-smiled, refilling her ammo. Steve wondered who Colbert was, and if Clint knew his girlfriend had another man in her life.

"Well, it's settled!" Darcy stood up, raising her cup. "To The Avengers!"

"To The Avengers!" echoed the table.

The group made their way to Fury's office, leaving Loki to man the fort.

"I hope we find this cash of ammo soon, I need to pump." winced Pepper, dropping her usual poise in her discomfort. Steve blushed again.

"Hey," Tony grabbed Darcy's wrist and flashed her an apologetic smile.

"What?"

"I'm sorry, about earlier. I've been so focused on the Loki factor that I was insensitive about-"

"No, it's okay." Darcy smiled. "It's just...S.H.I.E.L.D is my family, ya know? and Loki is my responsibility. I can't pick and choose, I need to handle both...and somehow get my degree on top of it."

"You're a good kid, I hope you stay that way," said Tony, patting Darcy's head.

"Man, fatherhood really has you by the balls, doesn't it?"

"Pretty much."

The group went ahead as Darcy stopped in front of the Intern's lounge. She heard familiar, female voices.

"Hank Wilson, for your betrayal against the Astrophysics Interns Alliance, we hereby sentence you to pretensies death."

"C'mon, girls! I betrayed Accounting for you!"

"Ready...Aim..."

"_Fire!_" Darcy shouted, shooting each intern square in the gut.

"Not cool, Lewis!" their leader shouted.

"Yeah, well thanks for inviting me to your _ASTROPHYSICS _alliance, ho! Leave the guns."

"Whatev."

The girls dropped their weapons and filed out of the room.

"'_He who is prudent and lies in wait for an enemy who is not, will be victorious.' _Fuck that!" She thought. Sun Tzu was full of it.

"Hey, Darce, can I join your alliance?" Hank had stood up, but his hands were bound with an ethernet cable.

"No!"

"Well, ok then!" Hank gave her a nod before ducking under her arm and running off, damn he was fast. Tony looked back and saw Darcy shooting furiously at the weaselly kid.

"Darcy, you ok?"

"Ugh, I'm out. Give me your gun."

"Alright, but be careful-"

Darcy was already halfway down the hall, chasing furiously after her prey. The rush was insane, she wanted victory. Darcy thought she tailed him into the lobby, but she was wrong. Someone else was waiting for her. The doors swung shut, and the Masked Rider had a gun to her back.

"I'll take that..." he whispered, gently unlacing the pistol from her fingers.

"Who are you?"

"The guy that's gonna win..."

"Stop the whole lone ranger act, it's creepy. Do you even work at S.H.I.E.L.D?"

"Sorry, I get paid to shoot paintballs, love, not the breeze."

Darcy froze. This was it, she was out. Goodbye, money. Hello, lifelong debt. The masked assassin aimed Tony's weapon against the small of her back and fired. Nothing happened. He pulled the trigger twice more. Nothing.

"You're dry, sweetheart."

Darcy's sigh of relief turned into a hiccup when he raised his own weapon.

_Crap._

"Hey-" Tony was leaning against the newly opened door, gun to his hip.

"Hey, there." Clint emerged from behind the bookcase, how did he do that?

"I'll save _you_ for last, sweetheart..." The gunslinger whispered menacingly into Darcy's ear.

"You won't get the chance," her lips mouthed before slamming her heeled boot into his foot. Darcy lurched out of the way as Tony and Clint shot from opposite directions. She took cover under the desk as her enemy smashed the observation window and out of sight. Once the coast was clear, she emerged and grabbed Tony's gun from the aftermath.

"Darce, did he shoot you?" asked Tony, checking her clothes for paint.

"He tried..." Darcy muttered angrily before firing two shots at Tony.

"What the hell?" he winced, but then looked down at his surprisingly clean shirt.

"Loki loaded your gun with blanks."

* * *

_**Another early update this week. There's tons of juice in the next chapter, so I wanted to get this one up and running and speed the process. Almost at the halfway mark! Thanks, everyone, for reading so far. I think I've rewatched the Community finale at least twenty times since I began writing AoW, haha. Love, DC.**_


	4. Chapter 4

The gang made their way with surprising ease to Fury's office, the location of the alleged ammo. There were very few agents left, and the ones remaining were hiding in offices and libraries, playing it safe. Paint splattered the walls of S.H.I.E.L.D like technicolor blood, and an unsettling silence radiated through the hallways. Once Natasha gave the all-clear, Steve kicked down the door to Fury's office. Fury sat there, calm and calculating as ever.

"Rogers, that door is coming out of your paycheck."

Natasha pushed Steve aside and screamed at her boss in _very_ vulgar Russian. "Вы чертовски мудак, какой игре это? Я не могу поверить, что из всех людей сделали бы это произошло, люди сходят с ума там за глупые обещания денег! Это не похоже на тебя!"

"Yeah, what she said!" Darcy smirked, eyes on a very angry Fury.

"Miss Lewis, and you too, Mrs. Stark, I'm surprised you two made it this far, but you should really consider leaving the game. Especially now."

"Why now?" inquired Pepper, gingerly grasping Tony's hand.

"What are you not telling us, Director?" asked Steve righteously.

"Classified, Soldier. But y'all need to end this 'game' as quickly as possible. Before some real damage is done."

"LOOK AROUND!" Tony bellowed. "This place is a wreck, Loki's dealing under the table, and all because of your stupid little _game_. Screw this. Pepper, we're leaving." Tony grabbed his wife's hand and headed towards the door.

"Mr. Stark, I'm afraid _you_ cannot leave just yet." Fury said coolly. "This isn't a game, I can tell you that much. There's a lot riding on the outcome of this exercise. Consequences I cannot disclose at this time."

"Well, then." Pepper broke away from Tony's grip and approached Fury's desk with gravitas. She was the C.E.O. of Stark Industries, dammit, not some silly little housewife.

"Director Fury," She began with her best game face. "If you want this to end, we need _firepower._"

"Very well," Fury nodded and stood up from his desk, key in hand. He unlocked a massive aluminum cabinet. The doors swung open, revealing massive buckets of paint, several bulk boxes of paintballs, and converted S.H.I.E.L.D assault rifles. Darcy was the first one to grab a rifle, loading it with a fresh pack of paint. She pushed past all the Avengers and swung the office door open.

"Where are you going?" asked Steve. Darcy turned to them and cocked her rifle before heading out.

"To have a conversation with Loki."

Everyone stared as she left the room, taken aback by this new warmongering side of innocent little Darcy. Clint, however, smiled slightly.

"She's pretty awesome today."

Darcy stormed through S.H.I.E.L.D's hallways, gunning down anyone she saw. She approached the doors of the cafeteria, and noticed the weapons intern wasn't there. With the swing of the door, Darcy's jaw dropped. Fort Asgard was destroyed. Paint splattered every surface, furniture was destroyed, and everyone was gone. Everyone, save for Caroline, who was playing the shambled leftovers of the piano.

"Cee, what happened?" Darcy asked, worried.

"Masked Rider took out the whole fort, nobody saw it coming" she sighed, not looking up from the keys.

"But why are you still here? You're clean, you still have a shot."

"I can't go out into the real world, Miss Dahr-cy, why, this here piano is the only life I know!" Caroline drolled in a faux southern accent, an attempted bit of levity to cheer her friend. It almost worked.

"Darcy, is that you?" Sounded a voice from behind. She turned and readied her pistol as Loki emerged from the darkness. Caroline took the hint and left through the back exit.

"Clever girl, did you retrieve the ammuniton?"

"_Yep._" Darcy spat as she opened fire at the demigod. With great agility, Loki dodged each paint pellet.

"My dear, whatever was that for?"

"Why was Tony's gun loaded with _blanks?!_"

"Was it?" Loki sneered.

Darcy fired several more rounds, all of which Loki steered off course with magic. The rest of the team filed in, surrounding the two on all sides. Loki began a slow clap.

"Oh, so the plucky adventurers have caught the evil wizard. Bravo, truly, to all of you. This has been a most entertaining day."

Everyone stayed silent. Tears blossomed behind Darcy's eyes, but didn't fall as she kept her rifle aimed at Loki.

"Come now, Darcy..." Loki smiled manipulatively at his pet. "Why so upset? It's just a little game."

"A _game?! _Fine! It's a game" her voice cracked, bile in her tone. Loki had never seen Darcy so upset. Strangely, he didn't enjoy toying with her as much as the others. He almost felt sorry for her. Well, _almost_.

"Let's _play, _jackass."

Darcy tossed her rifle to Clint and pulled two discarded guns from the confiscated weapons bin. She placed one of them on the floor and kicked it to Loki, who caught it underneath his perfectly polished shoe. Her blood bubbled underneath her skin. Their past year together had been a lie_. _The kind words, the holding doors, the smiles, all _bullshit. _Loki played her like a fiddle, how could she have been so stupid? She was even starting to _like_ him, or at least the mirage he cast in front of her. She couldn't believe her naivete, Tony was right. About everything.

She was his parole officer, now she would be his executioner, well, metaphorically. That was cathartic enough. Maybe she'd shoot him in his smug mouth.

Loki looked down at the gun, not picking it up.

"Come now, Darcy. Do you think shooting me with a little toy will make you feel better? Do you even want to? Can you? The object of your affections? Tut, tut."

Everyone stared at Darcy, who's blushing was masked by the red rage in her face. How did he-

"How did I know? Oh, child. It's obvious. You've fancied me our entire tenure together. I know everything that is going on inside that precious little mind of yours, and I don't even need magic to do it! The quaintest little spirit!"

Loki snickered. She was too easy, almost not worth the effort of toying with. Silly little girl, thinking she played the princess, changing the wicked ways of the evil dragon and his tesseract. What a trope. Her eyes were the same color as the tesseract, too. Except brighter, bluer than the tess- not that he cared. He didn't care, he never cared about her...and she had stupid hair.

"Put the gun in your holster, and let's _play._" Darcy's full lips quivered with rancor. Stupid emotional warfare, Sun Tsu would disapprove.

"So I can shoot you, and win the prize you desperately desire? Oh, _Miss Lewis_. You make it too easy, you know that?"

"Pick it up." spat Darcy through gritted teeth.

"Alright, then." Loki picked up the gun with long, elegant fingers, placing it at his narrow hip.

Darcy gulped down a massive breath, calming her nerves. The rest watched them circle each other like hyenas, hands floating at their holsters, eyes locked. They halted, waiting for the slightest twitch of the other.

Silence.

_Clink, Clink, Clink..._

Everyone save the duelists looked around, as the spurs of the seemingly invisible Masked Rider echoed throughout the room.

"Excuse me, Masked Rider." Steve called out to nowhere. "We have a situation here, and I ask you hold steady until it's finished. Surely, as a soldier, you can respect that." There was an eerie quiet save for the soft clink of spurs. Out of a dark corner stepped the gunslinger, who approached the group and pulled off his mask.

"_Coulson?_"

There were seven identical thuds as everyone dropped their guns, and their jaws, in shock.

"Phil, I thought you were on medical leave." Pepper clutched her chest, remembering the news of his near-fatal stabbing.

"Director Fury's easing me back into work with this assignment. I'm sorry I missed the wedding, Mrs. Stark." Coulson half smiled before pointing his gun to her.

"You ass!" Darcy swooped behind Coulson and attempted to wrestle the gun out of his hand. Paint splattered the ceiling.

"You were about to shoot a nursing mother in the _chest_?! Those paintball thingies _hurt!_"

"I'm sorry Miss Lewis, but you, Loki, and Mrs. Stark need to go home. Those partaking in The Avengers Initiative must be the only ones left."

"Agent say what now?"

"This isn't a game. It's a psychological evaluation ordered by the Council. I've been sent in to prevent anyone unrelated from making it to the final round and messing with their results. Me even talking to you is messing with their results."

"Wait, a psych eval? For what?" Natasha made her way forward. "The Avengers Initiative-"

"Is going to be shut down, Agent Romanoff, if you fail. Right now you are pitted your fellow agents in conflicting alliances, teamed with the enemy under the promise of material gain, and have drafted physically compromised civilians into your war. It's not looking too good on your end, there is a team of psychiatrists watching the entire exercise remotely with legal pads full of concerns. The Council wants The Avengers Initiative scrapped, but Fury has enough faith in you guys. Now, if you excuse me..." Coulson drew another gun and pointed it at Darcy.

_Splat._

Coulson staggered backward, recoiling from a paint pellet that bruised his shoulder heavily. Loki stood, glaring at the agent, his pistol dripping green.

"Go home, Agent Coulson." Loki hissed before taking the discarded shotguns. With a slight popping noise, he disappeared into thin air.

"Man, those paintball thingies _do_ hurt." Coulson winced. He dropped his gun to the ground and rubbed his shoulder. "Miss Lewis, please manage the hostile."

"Oh, I _will._" Darcy glared before running out the door, rifle clutched to her chest. She was pissed at Coulson for trying to shoot her, but would take her frustrations out on the Almighty God of Bullshit.

Hank Wilson worked his bound hands free as he ran through the parking lot, looking for his car. He stopped in front of a suspicious white van, suspicious even for S.H.I.E.L.D. There was a crackling of static before he heard radios from within.

"_Coulson is down. Initiate phase 2._"

"_Roger that."_

The doors of the van swung open, revealing a massive machine gun bolted inside and rigged with orange paint. A swarm of armed men in hazmat suits printed with S.H.I.E.L.D's logo began filing out.

"_Shall we commence?_"

Those were the last words Hank heard before falling backwards, unconscious and dripping orange.

* * *

_**So that's chapter 4! I have to take a little bit of time away from this fic because of complicated reasons, but I'll try to get the next chapter up by mid October!** **The** _"_**paintball thingy**_" _**line is a reference to an episode of Daria called "The Daria Hunter," which I watched for research. Also, the "stupid hair" add on is from Buffy.. (Spoiler alert: I can't actually write. shhhh!)**_

_**Thanks for all your comments! They brighten my day so much 3  
**_

_**Love, DC.  
**_


	5. Chapter 5

"Don't shoot, Bobbi," Clint garbled, the gun at his throat impairing his speech.  
"And why not, Hawkeye?"  
"The game is a sham, we just took out Fury's ringer" interjected Steve, lowering his weapon.  
"What?"  
Before Bobbi could holster her gun, a swarm of SWAT members began firing them with paint pellets. The three lunged behind an overturned table and crawled down the hallway before taking cover in Maria Hill's office.  
"SHIT. Clint, you weren't kidding?"  
"Did I sound like I was kidding?"  
"Well you have to admit, the scenario is pretty absurd."  
"Agent Morse, right?" Steve interrupted "We need to rally the survivors. Take the back window through the courtyard and meet us in Conference room B with as many people as you can find. Send text messages if you have to."

"Roger that."

* * *

"Darcy, did you ever find Loki?" Natasha asked as an exhausted Darcy clamored through the door of Conference B.

"No, I got a text from Caroline's boss telling me to come here. I cut the hunt short, it sounded urgent..." Darcy looked around. Steve was standing at the front, attempting to rally the remaining agents left in the game.

"Soldiers! The WSO crafted this game to act as a psychological profile of S.H.I.E.L.D's Avengers Initiative. If we're not careful, they will shut down not just us, but every related department." Steve began. " Everyone in this room is tied to the initiative, so if we go down, you go down with us. Our only chance of keeping the initiative intact, as well as our livelihoods, is to form a unified alliance and rise up against the Council."

"But shouldn't we just walk away? How will teaming up secure the initiative? The Council has made their impression pretty clear. And frankly, scrubbing tables at Denny's paid better." interjected a surviving intern.

There was apprehensive murmuring amongst the crowd.

"We still can turn this around, and hit them where it hurts."

"How?" asked Darcy from the back of the room.

"The evaluation doesn't end until the game is finished." Steve declared, holding an official looking document. "I swiped this from Fury's office, and it says that all actions are to be monitored and considered under the psychiatric watch until the last man standing, who will be presented with the promised reward, $100,000"

The crowd buzzed with excitement. The prize wasn't void after all-

"Which is why we have to decide, right now, that we suspend the prize so nobody gets the money"

"WHAT?! COME ON, ROGERS" screamed the room, completely pissed off.

"So we can team up and save the Avengers Initiative! That cash will tear us apart, and that means the SWAT will win and everyone is fired, memory wiped, or worse..."

Steve choked on that last word.

"But if we all join forces and win, it'll show those shrinks that we're S.H.I.E.L.D 's finest, and it takes more than a little fingerpaint to take us down. Who's with me?"

"Oh, so now you're the leader?" interjected Tony from the sidelines.

"I don't see you stepping up."

"I don't step up to being leader, Rogers, I reluctantly accept it when it's thrust upon me." Tony smirked. Pepper rolled her eyes.

The room chattered furiously until a remote controlled car strapped with a paint filled bomb zoomed into the room, beeping furiously.

"Grenade!" Bobbi screamed, lurching from her seat and throwing herself on top of the car. The grenade exploded inches from her chest, and a limp Agent Morse rolled over, covered in yellow and coughing heavily.

"Bobbi! No!" Caroline wailed as she lurched over to her boss and held her close, tears in her eyes.

"I'm going home, Cee..."

"I know, boss, I know..." Caroline sobbed.

"No, I mean I'm _actually _going home. Could you help me up?"

Tony grabbed the remains of the RV car, and found it was outfitted with a camera and speakers. "Can you hear me, who is this?!"

"I can hear you, Mr. Stark." a calm voice crackled through the speakers. "This is Dr. Leo Spreck of the W.S.O. I'm spearheading this little operation with Director Fury."

"You CHEAT. You can't remotely _spray_ people with paint."

"I don't think you're in a position to judge, Mr. Stark. As I recall, you recently teamed up with S.H.I.E.L.D's most wanted, it's all here in my notes."

"Oh, I'm glad you're writing this all down, Sprek. Because you'll have to write down that The Avengers and their friends kicked your ass and won this game, voiding all of your nitpicky crap and keeping the initiative going!" With that, Tony smashed the camera and pushed Rogers aside.

"Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D, it is now clear that we need to put our differences aside, team up, and save The Avengers Initiative. I also have no choice but to accept the role thrust upon me."

"And what roll would that be?-" Steve stepped forward, but Tony pushed him aside again.

"No time to squabble, Captain! 'For the Avengers on three! One...!"

"Stark, every seconds counts. Everyone-"

"_FOR THE AVENGERS!"_

* * *

The alliance split up and did a sweep of the building, trying to find a clear area to set up a new base. Clint and Natasha took the southwestern end with Pepper to look for spare ammo, which led them back to the cafeteria.

"Jackpot," whispered Clint upon seeing a garbage can full of discarded guns. "Pepper, stand watch while we strip these."

"Ouch" Natasha winced, her finger pinched in the seam of the gun. "Clint, this one's jammed. Give me a hand?"

"Sure thing, Agent Romanoff" Clint replied taking the gun with one hand, and lightly grabbing Natasha's backside with the other. Natasha rolled her eyes.

"Could you _be_ more immature right now?"

Clint smiled. "C'mon, Tasha, you like me because I'm immature." She leaned in to kiss him, interrupted by Pepper clearing her throat outside.

"Good heavens! I hope I don't get shot waiting out here. I'd hate to go home to my son."

* * *

"So, our intelligence indicates that the key to the Council's strategy is the gatling gun mounted in their truck. We should charge them en masse and overwhelm their defenses." Steve ordered, moving very officially around the crowd.

"Well, Captain. That's nice and all, but that's a totally stupid idea." Tony interjected.

"Alright then, _Mr. _Stark. How would you proceed?"

"We use sneak attacks-" Tony began, lurching forward with a red sharpie, drawing all over Steve's maps while talking. "Set up squadrants here, here, and here. We'll lure their defenses too...drumroll please." Tony drew a thick red line from the parking lot to a far off building. "S.H.I.E.L.D's records room. Where I will have, with my awesome science skills, rigged our remaining buckets to the sprinkler system. At the precise moment, Pepper will pull the fire alarm, showering everyone in the building with paint."

""Paint in sprinklers?" Steve laughed. "Who are you, Buster Keaton?"

"I was going for The Little Rascals, but you kind of slept through the 90s.

"Guys-_" _Darcy interjected.

"Besides, have you heard your plan? You want to _charge_ a _machine gun?!"_

"You want to destroy all of S.H.I.E.L.D's data, man that's _really _going to look good._"_

"The shelves bolt shut with fireproofing once the alarm is pulled-_"_

"And you know that, how?_"_

"Please._"_

"Guys! Oh, screw it." Darcy rolled her eyes and fired three bullets into the air. The room fell silent."Okay, here's what we do." She began, pushing her way forward and picking up Tony's sharpie.

"I think we should split into teams and carry out both plans simultaneously. Tony's plan will draw their forces to the records room allowing Cap's troops to take the stronghold." The room stared curiously at the bushy haired intern as she scribbled lists and diagrams while talking.

" Every good military operation must utilize deception, or so I've read. We should appear to be ineffective, which will throw them off their guard during the resulting conflict and grant us the advantage not only now, but further into the game. It's good long-term strategy."

"When did you become an expert in battle strategy, Miss Lewis?" Steve inquired.  
"I'm a political science major! What do you think I've been studying the past four years, ceramics?"

* * *

Spreck continued to watch the game, scribbling furiously on his notepad while Fury clutched his forehead. Things had gone too far, but he wasn't able to withdraw now. His superiors had taken over and his only option was to watch. Fury stood up to grab an Advil from his coat pocket when three SWAT members burst through the door, gripping a handcuffed Loki and forcing him through the entrance.

"Sir, this man tried to charge us three paintballs to use the restroom. We would've shot him but...well tell him what you told us."  
"Don't shoot me." smirked Loki.

"Why is the Asgardian even here? Fury, you didn't put a detail on him? Never mind. Shoot him."

"Go ahead, shoot me."Loki sneered. "You'd be doing The Avengers and their comrades a _huge_ favor..."

* * *

_**So I said last chapter that the next update would be mid-october. Well y'all are lucky, because I got caught in the rain on my way home from work last night. Now I have the flu and have some free bedridden time to write...my enthusiasm is mixed. I'm having an issue with page breaks, so bear with the grey lines for now. This fic should wrap at 8 chapters plus an epilogue (according to my current outline.) Thank you for all your kind reviews and favorites, they really make me smile! Love, DC.**_

_**P.S. If I were to write an original Tasertricks story after this one wraps, you know, one non-community based. Would you guys read it?  
**_


	6. Chapter 6

"I'm _so _glad we didn't shoot you. Now we have the tactical knowledge that Agent Lewis..." Sprek thumbed through his notes "watches a ridiculous amount of cat videos. Do you have any _real_ information?"

"Oh, that's the tip of the iceberg. Miss Lewis is close to the initiative," Loki purred. "I might be inclined to negotiate a price for _valuable_ information..." Humans were so easy.

* * *

"Tasha," Clint whispered to Agent Romanoff. The two were crouched behind an overturned table, waiting to lure the swat members into their trap.

"What's up?" she whispered back.

"I just...want to thank you for staying in the game. It's been fun."

"It has, hasn't it? In a sick, twisted, things-are-escalating-way-too-fast kind of way."

"Like Budapest all over again..." Clint smiled. Natasha smiled back. Suddenly, they heard several footsteps from across the room. Clint and Natasha lurched out from behind their cover, shooting furiously at the enemy and running for it. They each got one swat, but the remaining grunts began chasing them down. Perfect.

Tony led his division through the stairwells and to the records room, acrobatically dodging every bullet.

"They're right on our tail!" Tony declared excitedly into his headset. "Operation 'Tony's Awesome Plan' is living up to it's name!"

"Well good for you!" Steve snarled through the airwaves. He was outside with his troops, waiting to storm across enemy lines.

"Looks like their taking the bait, though!" Darcy pointed out to the Captain as squads of the enemy abandoned their base.

"Squad A, this is Squad B, do you copy?" Steve whispered into the mike on his headset. His group were crouched behind the shrubs surrounding priority parking with a clear aim on the machine gun.

"Commencing operation 'Actual Operation.'"

Steve turned his gaze from the enemy to his comrades, and a warm feeling of nostalgia washed over him.

"Look alive, soldiers." Steve began. " It's been a pleasure fighting alongside you. You are, without a doubt, S.H.I.E.L.D's finest. Some of us won't make it out of here, but there is a place where we will all see each other again..."

"Denny's?" asked Darcy excitedly. She was starving.

"Who's Denny?"

"Never mind. Let's kick some ass!"

"On my count" Steve ordered, poised for battle "...three...two...ONE!"

The agents jumped from the bushes and charged forward. The whirring of guns and the harsh splattering sounds of paint filled the air as they fought through the line. Bodies were falling like autumn leaves on both sides of the battlefield. The doors of the van immediately swung open to reveal their secret weapon. The gatling gun hummed evilly as it opened fire. Interns started screaming as they were gunned down like animals. The swat team reloaded and fired again. A round of bullets narrowly missed Darcy as shle whipped around her study tree, only to feel the trunk splinter under her fingertips. How roughly did they calibrate that gun? She looked down, hyperventilating, when she saw a familiar white card sitting in the grass. Darcy picked it up and smiled. She tucked it into her bra before cocking her rifle and charging back out.

"_The principle on which to manage an army is to set up one standard of courage which all must reach."_

Meanwhile, Tony's team reconvened at the records room and sprinted for the reception office. Pepper attempted to loosen the screws on an air vent while Clint barricaded the door shut.

"Pepper, you have the most important job here-" Tony began.

"Yeah, yeah, pull the fire alarm. I got it." She snapped while jimmying the screen off the vent.

"Crap."

"What is it, Mrs. Stark?" Natasha asked, reloading her gun.

"They're welded shut." Pepper exhaled, noticing a secondary piece of ventilated metal melted in the frame. "We're trapped. Now what?"

"We shoot our way out." Clint answered. "we'll keep the enemy at bay, just pull the alarm at our signal."

"Alright, boss." Pepper nodded.

"Okay then." Tony breathed nervously. "Commencing operation 'Tony's leadership...is never in doubt.'"

In the parking lot, Steve shot four swat members between the eyes before dropping to the ground. A massive round of paint splattered the concrete wall inches from where he stood. He tucked his arms and rolled into an irrigation trench, where an intern was shaking in fear.

"Their guns are too powerful, I'm bloody scared..." she whimpered.

"Private, what's your name?"

"Jo...Jo Pryce. Sir."

"Agent Pryce, they can kill most of us, but as long as nobody gives up...someone will make it through." He squeezed her shoulder. "You ready?"

"Yes Sir." She nodded, wiping the running mascara from her face.

"Okay. CHARGE!"

Steve jumped up and opened fire. He watched the paint knock down several figures in white suits before...

_Splat._

"Well, I'm out." Steve winced, his favorite collared shirt now dripping with neon green.

"See you at Denny's, Captain Rogers?" Jo wheezed, her navy blouse also dripping green, and the areas of exposed skin were heavily bruised.

"Okay, seriously, who's Denny?"

Darcy ducked behind Tony's maroon Acura, peering over the hood to survey the damage. Her friends were going down left and right, while the enemy's numbers remained strong. Tears budded in her eyes as she listened to the screams and splattering.

"Guys..." She whispered into her headset. "Does anybody copy? We're dying out here!"

"Well, we're dying too! They've trapped us in a dead end..." Tony panicked back. He, Clint, and Natasha were hiding behind shelves in the records room, silent, waiting for their end.

"Hey, Stark," Clint whispered. "Someone's gotta make it out of here alive..." Natasha nodded in approval. Tony turned to them, raised his guns, and nodded back. He lurched out from behind the shelf and ran, Clint and Natasha offering cover fire to aid his escape. Tony darted down the hallway and made a sharp left to the exit, but he was not alone. At least a dozen swat suits were waiting, guns at the ready. Tony closed his eyes.

"I had a dream it would end this way..." he thought as he fell backward, drenched in multiple colors.

"Pepper, nobody is making it out of the Records Room, pull the alarm!" Clint barked through his headset.  
"Tony...You alive? Tony?!" Pepper cried to static. She took a deep breath and reloaded her gun, remembering the mission. Peeking out the doorway, Pepper saw two swats wiring their squad.  
"Alpha 17, we're closing on Agents Barton and Romanoff, proceeding fire."  
"Crap!" she squeaked, dashing to the fire alarm. She pulled the lever, and took cover under a desk.

"I'm out..." Clint panicked, turning to Natasha.  
"Me too...looks like this is it" She gulped, hearing the heavy footsteps of the enemy closing in.  
"Tash...Since we might be neutralized in a few hours...I have to ask you something, something important."  
"What's up? You look terrified, it's just paint-" Natasha's words tumbled into incoherent garbling as Clint pulled a velvet box from his jacket.  
"Will you marry me?"  
"Now?!" she managed to stutter. "You're doing this now?!"  
"Apparently..."  
Clint pulled her into a deep kiss as paint rained from the sky.

* * *

"Everyone in the records room is dead! Repeat, we're all dead!"  
"Looks like my team isn't as splintered as you thought, Councilman" Fury smirked.

"Dammit! Fury, with me. We need to assess the damage firsthand."  
"and what about Loki?" Fury with a grin, loving every minute of Spreck's discomfort. Spreck, however barely hesitated in his answer.  
"kill him."  
The party filed out leaving one final swat member holding a gun...except this one was real, and glowing a furious blue.  
"You humans are so easy" Loki chided, lips curling into a sick smile.  
"Come again?"

* * *

_**I had more outlined for Jo, the ambiguously British intern, earlier in the story but scrapped it. I'm posting the rest of the fic today, since I finished it last night and don't know when I'll get another chance. My life is crazy because I finally nailed an internship! It's great, but the downside is I work 9-5 on all my days off from school...so my fanfiction time is limited. I've been finshing AoW in a trapper keeper during my 45 minute subway commute.**__**  
Anyway, enjoy the rest of the story! Love, DC.  
**_


	7. Chapter 7

The battle raged on in the parking lot, and S.H.I.E.L.D was hilariously outnumbered. Darcy, still hunched behind Tony's acura, noticed a long line of defeated agents walking behind the lines of the battlefield.

"How many are left?" Darcy asked one of the painted secretaries.

"You're it, honey."

"What?!"

"We're closing in, Sir" she heard an enemy report. "Looks like we got her."  
Darcy hugged her knees and bit her lip. This was it. Goodbye, S.H.I.E.L.D., Hello, Darcy Lewis: dental hygenist. This was, of course, if they didn't kill her for knowing too much. Well, there were worse ways to die. Scratch that, no there weren't. She looked around, and saw all of her fallen comrades were watching in anticipation. Clint and Natasha squeezed each others hands, caked in dry paint. Steve looked on in sadness, as he already knew the horrors of war, even simulated ones. Tony stood next to-wait. Pepper was absent.

There was a furious screech of tires as the CEO of Stark Industries pulled a jeep next to the shaking Darcy.

"Pepper!" she cried. "What are we supposed to do?"

"Win!"

There was a furious cheer from the crowd as Darcy climbed into the passenger seat.

Pepper floored the accelerator as the two shot as many swat members as they could, swerving left and right to avoid getting hit themselves.

"Hold on!" screamed Pepper, spinning the steering wheel a full 180 and hitting the breaks. Darcy braced herself and saw the gatling gun inside the truck. She drew a bead on the man inside and fired, hitting him right between the eyes. The crowd of agents hollered as the weapon shut down.

"Look out!" Pepper screamed as a sniper emerged from behind the truck, gun at the ready. He fired, and shot Darcy right in the hip. Pepper swung around her accomplice and fired back, eliminating the sniper in revenge. Then, silence. An eerie calm misted over the parking lot.

"Is that it?" Darcy asked, clutching her side.

"That's it...?" Pepper whispered.

"That's it!" squealed Darcy. "We won!" Pepper climbed out of the jeep and hugged Darcy. The fallen of S.H.I.E.L.D high-fived and cheered, jumping up and down in celebration. Pepper began running towards her husband. Until suddenly, she staggered backward and looked down at the paint stain on her Chanel blouse. Everyone fell silent.

"We did it!" one of the remaining SWAT cheered. Spreck wrote down on his legal pad with a satisfied smile, as Fury clutched his forehead in a combination of frustration and sadness. Tears streamed down Darcy's face as she saw the terrified faces of her comrades. She had failed them all.

"Alright! We did it!" a surprisingly tall swat member ran to the winning side.  
"Yeah! Wait, who are you?"  
"The winner!"  
The man opened friendly fire on every council survivor. Everyone looked around, confusedly mumbling to each other. After assessing the scene, Loki pulled off his gas mask and laughed maniacally.  
"I am victorious!"

Jaws dropped as the agents jumped over the carnage towards the scene, circling Loki and Director Fury, anticipation thick in the air.  
"Director, I believe you owe me a large monetary prize" Loki swaggered through the crowd, removing his swat uniform and revealing the impeccably clean suit beneath.  
"That was the agreement" Fury said cautiously, not taking his eyes off the prisoner.  
"Well then," Loki smiled and cleared his throat. "You can award the prize to Miss Lewis."

"Wait, WHAT?!" Darcy shouted, still clutching her hip. The agents surrounding her backed up, allowing her to limp to the center of the chaos.

Fury stared at the panicking, injured intern, and then turned back to Loki.

"What are you playing at?" Fury asked curiously. "You would give all that money to Agent Lewis, who we've been tagging you with for six months?"

" Exactly for that reason, Director." Loki chided. "It seems rather unfair you require her to manage a monster for such meager earnings, don't you think? Besides, I've grown somewhat fond of her."

"Well, Councilman Spreck," Fury laughed. "Shouldn't you be writing this down?"

Spreck dropped his pen. Undesirable number one just displayed affection for a human. This conflicted with all his previous data on Loki and SHIELD's rehabilitation efforts, a discrepancy in data that ruined all perspective on the Avengers file. The test was officially moot.

"Ladies and Gentleman, you are without a doubt the finest S.H.I.E.L.D has to offer. Everyone is to return to work tomorrow at 800 hours sharp. You all passed the test."

An enormous cheer erupted from the crowd. Tony grabbed Pepper in a tight embrace, and Steve lifted an ecstatic Darcy into the air. Natasha kissed her new fiancee. They would wait until the hoopla calmed down (and after a shower) before their announcement. The madness ceased when Director Fury cleared his throat.

"Agent Lewis," he began. "As victor, would you like to say a few words?" Everyone turned to the intern towering above them on Steve's shoulders. He lowered her down, and she felt massive pins and needles in her legs. She staggered, but then stood up straight.

"Um...we did it! Congratulations, everyone! This was all thanks to you." Darcy began, "Let's hit Denny's, it's on me! Everyone meet at Beverly and 2nd street in three hours?" The crowd buzzed with approval and dispersed, with a massive cluster headed towards the locker rooms. Darcy fought through the hoard towards Loki, who stared at her with his trademark grin.

"Miss Lewis, I doth my cap to you." he nodded his head slightly.

"Oh, please!" Darcy scoffed. "You think a smile and a brick of money will make me forget that you freaking SOLD ME OU-"

Loki grabbed her by the waist and kissed her deeply. Darcy's lips acquiesced as she pulled herself closer and caressed his scalp, taking in all of him at once. They broke apart reluctantly as a few cat calls and hollers shot their way. Darcy blushed.

"Um...okayIforgiveyou" her voice cracked. Loki grinned and took her arm, leading her towards the festivities.

"Shall we, milady?"

* * *

_**Stay tuned for the epilogue!**_


	8. Epilogue

The poor staff at the Brooklyn Denny's wasn't expecting a hoard of paint stained, exhausted special ops to fill every table. The team sat together while Darcy broke off with the other interns at a different booth.

"May I get some more coffee, please?" Natasha raised her hand to flag down a waitress in the fray. Nobody but Pepper noticed the sparkling emerald on her finger.

"Agent Romanoff, _what is that?!_" She squeaked. Natasha winked and gestured slightly to Clint. Pepper grinned in reply.

"Did I miss something? What exactly happened after I died?" Tony asked, looking up from his grand slam at his wife and the two lovesick agents.  
"Congrats, Darce!" Jo elbowed her colleague and gulped her iced tea. "Except the murdering psychopath love interest thing is kind of..."

"Weird, I know." Darcy replied, taking a bite of her blueberry pancakes. "I'm honestly still confused about what to do. I mean, he's-"

"I'm what?" Loki pulled out his chair and returned to his seat.

"Absolutely bonkers." Jo said pointedly, squirting ketchup onto her omelet. Darcy shot her a panicked look as Loki smirked, and suddenly Jo's breakfast was a live, squawking chicken.

"WOAH" Jo screamed, falling out of her chair. Darcy burst out laughing while Loki sipped his coffee.

"Never forget, mortal child, that I am a God of Asgard."

Jo grasped the table and hoisted herself up, glaring at Loki.

"Darce, just because you're shagging the prisoner doesn't mean you should forego tasing duty!"

"My taser isn't street legal within city limits. Sorry, _Giles_!" Darcy choked between laughs.

After a short cab ride home, Darcy staggered back into her apartment, leaning on Loki for support. She had one of the S.H.I.E.L.D medics examine her injury. While not serious, one of the faster paintballs had bruised a ligament near her pelvic bone, and would 'hurt like a mother' (what Darcy took as a technical medical term,) for about two days. Loki helped her get situated with an ice pack on the bed.

"My dear, please note that the next time I lay you on this bed, it will be for a _completely _different reason." Loki grinned.

Darcy smiled, popping two advil and taking in the familiar comfort of her target sheets. "Man, I don't want to go to...CRAP."

In a flurry of blankets and pillows, Darcy sprung out of bed and dashed towards her computer.

"What is it?"

"MY ESSAY."

She staggered to her desktop and hit the power button.  
"C'mon, start up, damn you!"

"Slow down, your injury needs-"  
"NOT WHEN MY FUTURE IS DUE IN NINE HOURS!" She wailed, furiously opening a new word document and scrambling for her binder. At least the entire ordeal left her with an awesome thesis, even if it didn't quite fit the rubric.

_The Art of Paintball:_  
_How Sun Tsu's philosophies translate into Simulated Modern Warfare_

_By Darcy Lewis._

* * *

_**So that's it! Thank you so much for bearing with my little fanfiction experiment. Stay tuned because I'm participating in the Tasertricks Halloween exchange, AND working on a new story. You have been such great readers! I have loved all your kind comments and follows. You all are absolutely the best. Love, DC.**  
_


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